


Be My Lifeline

by the_madhatter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Comforting, Family Member Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:11:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8553316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_madhatter/pseuds/the_madhatter
Summary: The Reader goes off to explore the world only to come back to find out that her father has passed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I was working on to get the flow of writing back. Hope you like it and thanks for reading :)
> 
> WARNING: the reader's dad passed away and there is heavy talk on that subject.

You grew up in Charming and had been Jackson Teller’s best friend through out your both of your childhood.  You were with him when he had his fling with Tara.  You were there to comfort him when she left.  But then it was your turn to leave.  You needed something more than what Charming could offer you.  You didn’t tell Jax, however.  At least not in person.  You wrote him a letter and placed it in his mailbox the night you planed on leaving. 

_Jax,_

_I’m sorry you had to find out this way but I’m leaving and I won’t see you tomorrow for our morning coffee.  I couldn’t tell you in person, in know you all too well.  I would end up staying and never being able to see the world.  I’ll be back.  I promise.  I could never leave you behind for good.  You’re my best friend Jax.  I love you to pieces._

_See you soon,_

_Y/N_

You imagined he’d be pissed about your decision but you couldn’t dwell on it.  As your boarded the plane to Ireland, it was your first stop since you had family there, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket.  “Hello?”  You answered, not bothering to check the I.D. since there was only one person it could have been.  “Y/N, where are you?  Stay put I’m coming to get you.”  He sounded desperate.  “Jackson Teller there is no way in hell I am telling you where I am or where I’m going.  I need to do this.  I’ll be back before you know it, okay?  We can talk everyday if you want but you have to let me go.”  You said through the phone as you found your seat.  “You can’t leave me too.”  He sounded defeated now.  “I’m not leaving you Jax.  I’ll talk to you every day and I’ll only be gone a year.  Two tops.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll get home sick and you’ll see me in a month.”  You laughed, hoping it would lighten the mood between the two of you.  “What am I supposed to do without my best friend getting me out of trouble?”  He asked, his tone still low.  “You’ve got Opie.”  You said, he was forgetting the other member of your little group.  “Ope just gets into trouble with me, Y/N.  If anything he makes it worse.”  Jax laughed. 

“What’s so bad with that?”  You asked, then heard the overhead voice telling you to shut off all electronic devices.  Jax heard it too.  “You’re on a plane?  To where?”  The concern was back.  “To go see my cousins.  I’ve got to go.  I’ll call you when I land.”  You said.  “Love you, buddy.”  You said your goodbyes and then hung up, shutting off your phone and stowing it away into your bag. 

 

You were gone for three years.  Three years was a long time for you to be away from home, but you did it.  You went to all the places you wanted to and you felt happier.  You talked to Jax every chance you could.  He kept you up to date with the club and his love life and your father’s health.  After a month of being away Jax told you that he had a stroke but the club was taking care of him.  He was in the hospital less and less.  As soon as your plane landed you whipped out your phone.  You wanted your arrival to be a surprise so instead of calling Jax you called your dad.  “Hey dad, it’s Y/N.  My plane just landed so I will be home in an hour.  I love you.  See you soon.”  You said, when it went to voicemail.  You hoped everything was alright.  But when you got home the house was empty so you tried the hospital and they had no records of him being brought in recently.  You thanked them and hoped on your bike, it was your dads old Harley, and you rode to the club house. 

You still hadn’t called Jax to let him know you were home so when you walked in you were expecting the reaction you received.  “Y/N!”  He yelled, running up and wrapping his arms around you.  He picked you up easily and brought your over to the rest of the guys.  You looked around and still didn’t see your dad.  “Where’s-“  You started but Jax cut you off.  “I’m sorry, Y/N.  I’m so sorry.”  He set you down and was looking down at you with grieving eyes.  “When?”  You asked, feeling tears well up and sting your eyes.  “Last week.  He was doing better.  It was all sudden.”  Jax said, bringing you in to another embrace, this time pulling you as close to him as he could. 

“I wasn’t here for him.  I could have been here for him.”  You tried to pull away from Jax, but he just held you tighter.  “Hey, hey don’t do that.  Don’t do that to yourself, Y/N.”  He hushed you, rubbing small circles on your back with his palms.  “When’s the funeral?”  You asked, hoping that could have at least postponed it for you.  But you were stretching it.  They couldn’t have known when you were going to get back.  “He said in his will that he wanted to be cremated.  We have his ashes and we waited for you to hold it.  So you could say goodbye.”  Tig said from behind you.  You turned your head to look at him.  “Thank you.  Thank you so much.”  You felt the tears start to fall now and you turned your head back into Jax’s chest. 

The next morning you woke up in the clubhouse’s spare bedroom.  Jax was quietly snoring next to you.  Yesterday’s events felt like a dream and you didn’t want to believe them.  You stirred slightly beside him and he placed a heavy arm across your chest, pulling you close to him.  He was mumbling something that you couldn’t make out.  You heard soft footsteps approach the door and there was a quiet knock.  You tried to pry yourself from Jax’s grip but he wouldn’t let you go.  Then the knocking stopped and the door started to open slightly.  “Help.”  You whispered to the person, then the door opened fully and you saw Chibs on the other side.  “He won’t let go.”  You whispered and Chibs let out a soft chuckle.  “Hey Jackie boy, up and at em.”  Chibs yelled which caused Jax to jump.  He sat up, taking you with him.  You let out soft ‘ows’ and he brought a hand up to stroke your hair. 

“Thanks Chibs.”  You said as Jax’s grip on you loosened.  He let out some apologies as you scooted off the bed.  You walked over to Chibs and placed a kiss on his cheek before heading in to the adjoining bathroom.  “Just glad it was me who walked in on you, and not your wife or any of the others.”  Chibs said as he made his way out of the room.  Once you were finished in the bathroom and you were dressed accordingly for the day, you headed back into the bedroom to see that Jax was still seated on the bed, not bothering to change yet.  “Can we talk?”  He asked as he patted the bed for you to sit beside him.  You nodded and headed over. 

“What’s up, buddy?”  You asked, like nothing in the past day had happened.  “How was your trip?”  He asked, dancing around the real reason he wanted to talk with you.  “I spent a few months with my cousins in Ireland.  Then I went to London and hit all the major touristy spots for two weeks then I went to Paris and did the same thing.  Then Italy of course.”  You paused then, thinking about how while you were off cavorting around Europe your father was here.  “I wasted time.  I could have been here with him and I was off being an idiot.”  You shook your head, tears welling up again.  “I have something for you.”  He said as he pulled a folded note from the pocket of his cut.  “He told me to give it to you when you got back.”  He said, handing you the paper.  Your hands were shaking as you reached for it, and carefully unfolded it.

_My darling Y/N,_

_Everything that has been left unsaid between us should stay that way.  Your mother had her two-cents before her passing so here’s mine to you.  You know how she was, such a stubborn woman.  But you took some of her traits, the good and the bad, stubbornness included.  Sunshine, don’t beat yourself up about not being around, okay?  You went to explore the world!  Living your dream.  When you were a kid you always talked about leaving to travel.  Did you make it to Japan?  You always had a fascination with the samurais.  And you must let me know how my sister and her kids are doing next time we see each other. Y/N, sweetie, we will see each other again, if not in this life then the next.  The club has taken care of me more than you can imagine.  Being one of the original nine has it’s perks I guess.  You’re buddy, Jax, has been like the son I never had.  He’s a keeper Y/N, don’t let him wander away too far.  Chibs won’t stop talking about you either.  And the new guy, Juice, says he only met you once but it was like you had known him his whole life.  The spell you put on these men, Y/N… just take care of yourself.  Jackson will help, I have no doubt about that, but some things he won’t understand.  You’re a complicated woman if I ever met one.  Just like your mother.  I love you Y/N. I love you so much.  Now you behave yourself.  Your mother and I won’t want to see too many mistakes out of you.  Speaking of your mother, we sure will have a lot of catching up to do.  I love you, sweetheart._

_I will be with you always,_

_Dad_

You were crying now.  Streams of tears fell down your cheeks.  “He knew, Jax.  He knew I wouldn’t make it back in time.”  You said through your sobs, clutching the note to your chest.  He didn’t say a word, but instead brought you closer to him so you could cry into his shoulder.  He took the paper carefully from your fingers and placed it on the bed beside him.  You stayed like that for what felt like hours until Gemma finally came back to tell the two of you it was time to go.  You were reluctant to let Jax go from your hold but you did.  He didn’t leave the room to change, but instead stayed put.  “Okay, darlin’.  You ready?”  He asked, dressed in a black button down and black slacks.  “No.”  You huffed out, but got up off the bed anyway.  He didn’t say anything, but just held out his hand to you.  You went to reach for it but quickly remembered the letter and carefully folded it up and stuck it in your dress pocket. You then took Jax’s hand squeezing it tightly, afraid he would let go.

“I aint going anywhere, Y/N.”  He reassured you as you walked down to the main room.  Once by the bar you saw all of the familiar faces.  They were all dressed appropriately for your father’s funeral.  Clay walked over to you and eyed his stepson and your intertwined hands for a second before addressing you.  “Your father, as well as the rest of the MC want you to have this.  And if you want, there is a new position at the table.”  He said as he handed you your father’s cut.  “You want me to join the club?”  You asked, in disbelief.  “As far as we’re concerned you’re already part of the club, this is us making it official.”  Tig said from behind Clay.  Your tears were still falling, but they had different meaning now.  “Since when can a daughter join?  Thought this was for the men?”  You tried to normalize your voice, it was still groggy from crying.  “Since one of the best men this club has ever seen raised a daughter worthy enough to join.”  Clay said with a smile.  You took your father’s vest from his hand and slid it on, having to let go of Jax’s hand for a moment you were reaching for it as soon as you could.  He was grounding you.  Keeping you from floating away. 

“Great to have you back, Y/N.”  Juice smiled from his spot across the room.  Then you and the rest of the MC headed out to your bikes.  Gemma headed to her car.  And you all drove to the cemetery.  As a family. 

Your father had a plot of land next to your mother.  He wasn’t meant to be cremated but it was a last decision made in order for you to say goodbye.  As the urn was lowered in to the ground, the priest  said his final words then asked for anyone who wanted to speak.  You stood up, still gripping tightly to Jax’s hand.  You had only let go when you were on your bike.  He gave you a light squeeze and you went over to stand next to the priest.  “Thank you father.”  You thanked him and then began to speak.  “Declan was a bit of an arse sometimes but he was the best father any kid could ask for.  He was the cool dad growing up and I was the envy of all the kids in preschool because of it.  Besides Jax and Opie, what kid got a ride to school on the back of a motorcycle?  Or when I had a bully in second grade.  My best friends and my dad and his best friends were there for me.  When my mom died we were there for each other.  We would camp out in the living room for weeks after that.  He would tell me after high school I should explore the world, there was time for everything else later.  I went to Japan, dad.  But it’s not like the movies.  There aren’t samurais wandering around the streets of Tokyo.  Aunt Irene and the kids are doing great.  Hamish and Sean are growing up so fast.  Sprouting like weeds those two.  I still have to tell them you’re gone.”  You started talking to the hole in the ground and no one said a word.  They all let you continue until you had nothing left to say.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, dad.  I’m sorry you had to tell me goodbye on a fucking slip of paper.  I’m sorry that when mom died I took it out on you at first.  I’m sorry I blamed you.  I’m sorry for every shitty thing I said when I was angry.  I can’t believe that you won’t be at home when I walk in the door. I still think this is all a nightmare and I’m going to wake up and you’ll be fine.  Hanging out with Piney at the bar sharing his oxygen tank, telling stories of the good old days to the new prospect.”  You stopped to wipe the tears from your eyes.  Your sobs coming out quietly.  “I love you, dad.” You whispered, making your way back to your seat in between Opie and Jax.  Opie placed an arm around your shoulder and Jax took your hand in his once more. 

The three of you sat like that until the service was over.  You still didn’t want to get up, but Opie had to leave so it was just you and Jax.  You sat in front of the grave until the sun was low in the sky.  “Y/N.”  Jax whispered.  You looked over to him with bloodshot eyes.  “We have to get you home okay?”  He was getting you to stand up and you simply nodded.  “I’m going to crash at the club house.  I can’t go home yet.”  You said as you and Jax walked over to your bikes.  “I aint leavin you alone, Y/N.”  He said, his tone devoid of any emotion but concern.  “You can stay with me.”  He said then continued.  “Are you okay to ride?”  You nodded yes and slipped on your helmet after mounting your bike.  “I’ll follow you.”  You said over the roar of the engines.                        


End file.
